You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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