I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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