I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
