It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Randomize
