Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
and she was petting her beer can
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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