what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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