Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
