She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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