It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
nutella sex= disaster
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
