I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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