dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
