I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize