And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
