I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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