Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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