so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
