YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
