Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
