At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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