Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
