we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
we made out on top of his cat.
even my farts smell like vagina
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
