I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
