I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
