I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Semen is not good for contacts.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
