College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
