I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
