I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize