one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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