One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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