the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
the day after is always just damage control
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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