i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I wish i was in the wii world.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
