Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
