i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Did we literally take a cab across the street
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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