well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
