weddingsv make me drug and hornr
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
