How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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