I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
