Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
