This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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