Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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