if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
