I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
