On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
