The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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