I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The uberlube is also flammable
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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