im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he was CRYING into my vagina
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
that may or may not have been my penis.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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