I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
