drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
