Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
where are my eyebrows?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
