After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
