When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
