Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
we should paint friendship bongs
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
