return my video game
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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