I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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