Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
