my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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