WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize