i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
