go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
