my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
