I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
