I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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