why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
