she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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