Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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