I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize