My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize