3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
