brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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