If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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