Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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