My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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