I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
