Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
