why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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