Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You need a sexual gate keeper
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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