He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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