...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
