The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
