There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
