When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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