Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
