he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize
