im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
