Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
