So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize