my vag is so smooth its legendary
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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