I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
