Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
sick fucks of a feather flock together
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
