At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
