I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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