i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize