U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
