im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize