Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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