i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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