Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
