Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
