Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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