Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
