): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
