the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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