And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
