When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
