So drunk its hurt
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
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