what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
