it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
