my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
