Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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