i already hear my dad disowning me
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
