Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
