My sheets look like a crime scene.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
