Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
