my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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